I Miss the Old Me, the Pre-Motherhood Me

I miss the old me!  The pre-motherhood me.  Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my kids with my entire being and I adore my family and my life now.   But sometimes I remember what my life used to be like three years ago and honestly, I grieve for it sometimes.  There are things that you give up when you become a mom, some of it you understand and know what you are in for, some of it you over look and never even consider the ramifications of post-kids.

I Miss the Old Me, the Pre-Motherhood Me - Motherhood changes you in so many ways, a lot of things you know you will give up going into it, but some you don't. Sometimes I miss the old me and who I used to be.

I miss my bodyThe one that used to take my dog for an hour walk and do a half hour of yoga, each and every day.  The one that didn’t have a post-baby tummy and stretch marks everywhere.   I’m not going to even touch on the size I used to be pre-baby, I know it was worth it, but I truly miss what size I used to be, I worked hard to get there then two pregnacy’s messed it all up.

I miss my boobs

I have been nursing for almost three years now.  All my shirts and pj’s have to have boob access for easy nursing, I can never be away from my kids for long as they need me for milk (neither ever took a bottle).  I have kids pawing at my boobs all day long and regardless  of where I am or who I am with, my son will yank down my shirt and bra to get access to his milk.  Now always full of milk, scratch marks (baby nails really are razers), stretch marks and usually covered in snot (since baby seems to think its a kleenex), they have not been “my” boobs for a long time, I shudder to think of what they will look like once my son is done with them!  But I am sure my husband will appreciate not having to share them anymore……..

I miss going out after dark

Seriously, something you take for granted.  Because my son nurses I can never be gone long enough at night for a movie or anything because he will wake and freak if his milk isn’t available and mommy isn’t there to snuggle him back to sleep.  Let’s say he is finally asleep, I am just too darned exhausted to go out!  And frankly on my average three to four hours sleep a night,  I cannot drive after dark as I am just not safe behind the wheel of a car.  No shopping, no errands, no movie,  no coffee with friends, one day I will be able to see the world after dark again,  for now unless I can see it out my window or on TV it’s a foreign concept.

I miss time

Time to relax, time to sleep, time to myself, time to read, time to craft, time to shower.  Waking up one morning and thinking “what do I want to do today” and having the time to do whatever I want.  I miss that.

 

I miss cooking

I guess linked with time, but I really miss cooking.  I was such an adventurous cook, I would experiment with a minimum of three new recipes a week and try to make elaborate dinners for my husband and friends.  Now, I am lucky if I even get dinner on the table let alone make it from scratch, forget using a new recipe!  I miss going through cookbooks and trying to find the perfect recipe to surprise my husband and make for him.  We used to do wonton Saturdays, I miss wontons!

I miss spontaneity

It was so easy pre-kids to say, hmmmm lets go out for lunch in half an hour, and do it.  Now we have to pre-plan, make sure baby has his nap on time, toddler is not too exhausted that she will have a tired tantrum, but also a little physically tired so she sits still, then thread the needle between their nap times ensuring the biggest chunk of them behaving and not tired is spent at the restaurant.  Have to run errands?  Get groceries?  Visit a friend? Have a play date?  All has to be pre-planned and worked  into the schedule for the day to ensure no tantrums, naps or meals ruin it.  No more leaving the house whenever you want, you are tied down by a nap schedule, eating schedule, and potential tantrums and teething to try to work around.

I miss my old hobbies

Particularly kayaking – This one is personal.  I LOVED (notice past-tense) to kayak,  I started with my dad when I was young and would go as often as possible, spending a few weekends a summer (usually every long weekend) up at the river kayaking with my dad and friends.  Now, I haven’t been since early-pregnancy with Bee (as in 3 weeks).  I miss it so much.  It hurts sometimes to see other people out running rivers and waterfalls while I am stuck at home longing for my boat and a class III-IV river.   Again, time makes it impossible, I need a weekend alone, that’s not going to happen, like ever!  I will paddle again one day, and when I do I bet everyone will see my smile from a mile away as I am reunited with my beloved boat and some rapids!

I miss my husband

This one may seem weird, but it’s true.  I miss my husband’s undivided attention, where we could sit and have a conversation start to finish together without having to mediate a dispute, breastfeed, pick up and sway with a cranky child, or get interrupted a million times so the other person doesn’t even remember there WAS a conversation going on.  I miss going out on dates (or rather having the energy to go out on dates), doing fun things together, and having the time and energy to focus on each other and do something together we really enjoy.  I really miss him some days even though he hasn’t gone anywhere.

I miss my friends

I used to have coffee with a good friend of mine every two weeks.  Now we are lucky to see each other every four to six months!  When I do see my friends, conversations to catch up on each others lives are put on the back burner as we watch children and get interrupted 1000 times, frequently at the end of the visit, I don’t feel like I got the chance to talk to them at all and still don’t know what is new in their life and how they are doing.

I Miss the Old Me, the Pre-Motherhood Me - Motherhood changes you in so many ways, a lot of things you know you will give up going into it, but some you don't. Sometimes I miss the old me and who I used to be.

I’m not trying to be a downer, but sometimes I just really miss my old life and parts of it that I used to be able to do.  I know as my kids grow up I will get more time and energy back to try to devote to myself again.  Maybe in a few years I will get the old me back a little bit.  As I said above, I LOVE my life and my children, but that doesn’t mean that I cannot miss the old me too sometimes.

What do you miss about the old you since becoming a parent?  Please comment below!

 

 

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I Miss the Old Me, the Pre-Motherhood Me - Motherhood changes you in so many ways, a lot of things you know you will give up going into it, but some you don't. Sometimes I miss the old me and who I used to be.featured%20button%20small_zpszlufuxnj

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A mom of two trying to stay sane while running a household, working part-time from home and looking after her baby, toddler and husband.


45 comments

  1. avatar
    Taylor says:

    I’m not a mom yet, but we plan on having kids in the near future. This post is a great reminder that being a mom is really something that is selfless because it takes so much of you, even though it is worth it, I think it’s okay to miss the life before, as long as we keep building the life now, even though so many things are different.

  2. avatar
    Beth says:

    I felt all those things too. Now my boys are 6 & 10 and I’m starting to get my life back. I’m back to working out regularly, cooking better meals, and having the occasional night out with my husband. Hang in there!

  3. avatar
    Hailey says:

    You are awesome! Good on you for sharing the reality of motherhood. I know many people believe that if they don’t make it seem like rainbows and flowers that they aren’t being a good mom and that isn’t true! It sounds like you need a wife — I know that sounds weird but if you haven’t read Amy Poehler’s book you should. She talks about having a nanny and I know that isn’t possible for most of us but maybe a baby sitter every once in a while for things you mentioned above, a worthwhile splurge? Idk, I just want to help empower you to do those things because I believe in you!

  4. avatar
    swapna says:

    I don’t really miss anything, but now that my son’s 4 I feel like my old self. I *do* miss having uninterrupted conversations though. sigh. a lot!

  5. avatar
    Mother of 3 says:

    I miss how a day trip would often just turn into an overnight trip… no planning… just packing up and going. You can’t do that with kids; even big kids. And with three kids it takes me hours to find a hotel large enough to accommodate us all comfortably. Don’t even get me started on the day a hotel clerk told me my three boys could easily fit in one king size bed!

  6. avatar
    Leanne@crestingthehill says:

    the pre-motherhood you will be back one day – she will be even better post motherhood because she’ll know how to share her love, what is important and what she can survive! Try to enjoy this demanding time because it will be gone before you know it (next step is all the school trips, concerts, after school activities etc…..) motherhood lasts a long time 🙂

  7. avatar
    Shann Eva says:

    I can totally relate to this. I miss a lot of the same things. I’m not breastfeeding anymore, but I totally remember that feeling too. I did start one of my old hobbies again, ballet, now that my boys are getting older. It felt so great to get that old part back. I hope you are able to as well. And oh how I miss just being able to go anywhere at the drop of a hat. Now, it takes about an hour to get everyone ready, then I don’t want to go anymore 😉
    Shann Eva recently posted…Counting Calories while Feeding your FamilyMy Profile

  8. avatar
    Kristi says:

    I miss a lot of these things too since having my daughter and we are about to go through it all again with number 2. The time will come and sooner than you are ready for all these little things to be gone and the kids will be big and we will wish for these times again. But in the meantime I feel ya!

  9. avatar
    Sarah Eliza @ devastateboredom says:

    That does sound hard! I appreciate your honesty and your sense of humor… not a mom yet, but it’s good to wrap my head around what changes it will bring. You sound like an amazing mom!

    Thank you for sharing at #FridayFrivolity! I hope you join us again tonight. 🙂
    Sarah Eliza @ devastateboredom recently posted…Virtual Winter Sales Shopping Trip – Scarves and Gloves $10 and under! Perfect Accessories for a Minimalist Capsule Wardrobe!My Profile

  10. avatar
    Camile says:

    I miss sleep. I yearn for the days I could come home after work and take a nap or the weekends when I could take one midday. Of course I miss the other things you mentioned as well but sleep is the one that instantly came to mind when I read your post. Great post and many of us can relate.

    • avatar
      Hil says:

      Oh yes! I’ve been up since 4 the past two days with a teething baby, he is sleeping peacefully in my arms but I can’t sleep or the toddler will get into stuff/. I miss sleep so much?

  11. avatar
    Alyse says:

    I can definitely relate to this, Hilary! I miss being able to lounge around my house and do absolutely nothing. I also miss just being able to go out and do anything with my husband or friends. I’d never have it any other way, but I definitely think it’s normal to mourn that past phase of life!

  12. avatar
    Inez says:

    I was JUST thinking this yesterday, as I drove to the store…alone. I was like, I miss my old self. I moved from Hawaii to California to be near family, so I think the thing I miss most is Hawaii and my life there. I miss going out to watch the sunset over the ocean on a whim, I miss laying out on the beach ALL day long, I miss my job (and the free makeup… I worked at Sephora), I miss wearing makeup every day, I miss my friends (both the ones I left there and the ones here that I already missed and STILL miss because I never see them!), I miss dating, I miss having money, I miss being an auntie and just an auntie, I miss doing my own thing! Oh and my boobs… totally agree. I really miss my boobs and my body. Is this where k say it’s all worth it? Haha. It IS all worth it. Even though I miss all these things, I couldn’t imagine having them back. And I certainly couldn’t imagine life without my son. As nice as all of these things were, in reality the new me is so much better! Just more tired… and less attractive! Love this post, thanks for sharing!

    • avatar
      Hil says:

      Ha ha I miss money too. I agree with all the things you said. I wish I had the beach thing. In in Canada no beach where I am but that would be amazing.

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